I have been battling shoulder pain now for over four weeks, and I am not winning. I have been to the Chiropractor, Physical Therapy, and today the doctor. The pain is getting worse. My fears are growing.
I have continued to swim, but just the minimum about 18 - 21k week. Drills mostly and some swimming with fins. Anything to take pressure off my shoulders but keep me working on technique.
I was READY for Gibraltar a month ago. Heck I did the distance in very rough conditions a month ago. And now I am not ready. I am scared, and feeling out of shape, and in pain.
My friends say that I have enough "in the bank". Mentally, I did Tahoe (10 miles last summer) and Physically, I have miles and miles under my belt. But I wanted, and still want to swim two more challenging swims. I would feel more comfortable if I complete a six hour swim before I go. But that may not be possible. It may come down to either a six hour training swim or Gibraltar itself. Crazy, just a month ago, I had it all dialed in.
Something else nagging at the back of my brain is the thought that I have never hit my personal wall yet in swimming. To date I have been able to do every swim I set out to swim. I read about people who attempt the English Channel and fail, and rise up to try again the next year. After the training I have put in for Gibraltar, the expense, the mental and time expenses; to fail? I don't know what I will do. I wonder if I have that type of fortitude I applaud so in others. I don't think of myself as a quitter, because I wouldn't quit during the swim, but there are other forces at work here beyond the swimmers control, and you could not "want to quit" and yet still not make it. There is a point across Gibraltar that you need to reach by a specific time in the tide or you miss landfall on the far side, and the boat pulls you whether you want to quit or not. This is keeping me up nights. It's not like I can just say, "Okay, let's try again tomorrow". This is a $1,900 experience and I want to succeed. I am plagued by thoughts that I haven't trained enough, or smart, or properly. that I haven't done all that I could have done, because somehow I got it wrong.
Twenty-five weeks ago when I began this endeavor, I was so proud of the schedule I concocted. And now I am ashamed that I have not been able to adhere to it, especially now that I am injured. People reminded me that it was a "plan" not a rule and that some weeks would deviate, but I am sick with worry that I have not done "enough". Of course this is compounded by the fact that no one knows what the hell "enough" is, and it's different for every person. I guess this is the part about Marathon swimming that you can only figure out for yourself. Channel Swimming, it is said, "Is 80% mental and 20% physical." What that doesn't tell you is that it's also about 75% faith. Faith in yourself. Faith that you have done your best, even if you didn't do everything you set out to do. Faith that with what you have done, you will have what you need to get across. And faith that if you don't get across, you'll be ok too. That there is something to be learned from failure as well as success. It's not that I want to fail, but I need to acknowledge that there is no shame in failure. And that if it happens, I will be ok. Disappointed, sure, mad, furious, but I will still be able to count myself as one of the few "who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood...who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." (Theodore Roosevelt 1910)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
WEEK 8 continues...
It's Thursday. This morning's pool workout was fantastic! When I got up this morning I figured that I could only swim drills and would have to swim by myself, nursing my shoulder along. But Coach Kat's workout was different from usual. It was drill focused, and technique inspiring. We worked hard on rotation and core swimming, snapping our hips. She had us doing the rotation movement vertical, which made it much easier to feel and then translate it to horizontal. It was inspired. Just as in my emergency physical therapy appointment, John helped me feel the proper movement for my shoulders through the pull. I am so inspired when I luck into a good teacher/coach. I don't know how many yards we swam this morning, but I was exhausted. And yet my shoulder felt fine! It's complaining now, but that's to be expected. I found myself feeling where my shoulders were through the stroke. I think I have spent my life with my shoulders tense and raised...it's time to relax them, lower them, and hold them back. I think my scapula needs to move more through every stroke. I think I tensed it up and hold it locked for the remainder of my swim. I should watch dolphins swim rather than people. They swim with their whole bodies, I swim with my arms. 49 and still learning, good on me!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
WEEK 8 continues...
Life is interesting for me. I have been rejuvenated in my spirit and my swimming. But I still have a cold and my shoulder is now officially an injury. Whereas last week I was swimming, training, sick, and feeling overwhelmed. This week I am feeling calm and yet scared. Until recently I was completely confident that I could "do the distance" and just needed to hang on until my event. Now I am concerned that I may not be strong enough to muscle through the pain and swim for over six hours. And yet I have had an epiphany of sorts too. Because one of the most amazing things I have seen on the channel chat line is that there are numerous people who have "attempted" the English Channel and not succeeded, and yet they find the courage and the strength to try again! Knowing how long and arduous the trainig is, knowing how cold the channel is, knowing how long and painful the event can be, and they find the will to get up early, swim for hours for months on end, and try again. These people amaze me. And I am in awe of their strength and their mental fortitude. I don't want to find out that I don't have that characteristic, and if it takes something big, like a spectacular failure to see what I am made of, then there will be benefit in that. I am so used to working on something, trying it, and suceeding in it, that I hae never had this sort of test. Not that I am going looking for it, but I could stand to see how I handle failure. When I swam across Lake Tahoe last summer, I was nursing a shoulder injury (opposite side to now) and I used fins from time to time to keep up with my co-swimmer Joe Butler. It was my first experience with a marathon swim and feeding, and pilots etc...and I was very concious of not wanting to "be any bother" to the group. But I also, truth be told, got VERY cranky during the last mile of the six hour swim. I am embarrassed at how I lost my good humor and snapped at my kayaker towards the end. So I need to learn how t be more like my heros who can find it in themselves to fall down spectacularly and get back up and try again. I read some one's blog where they have made 6 attempts and still hasn't made it, and is still trying. That's some kind of crazy, but also some kind of strength.
I learned so far that I started my training schedule too early, and burned too hot to sustain, and een got injured. So that's valuable. My friend Suzie just told me of a coach who divided his team evenly down the middle. Had half of the kids swim a normal training regeme for a season, and the other half focused on drills and swam less distance over all. The kids who focused on drills had more improvment throug out the season and performed better over all at the final meet. Many people have told me that there is sucha thing as garbage training. And my personality is to do way more than I need to do because I feel better if I over achieve. I want to be able to say that I did an eight hour swim for a six hour eent just to be cool, or to be over the top. But it would be smarter to do a six hour swim, and not hurt my shoulder any more than necessary. So I am learning as I go along. I am also learning that even though I work out six days a week, I am intrinsically lazy. I want to do core exercises, need to do shoulder exersises, might have even skipped all of this pain if I had, and yet what do I do? I swim. I swim six days a week for too long. I would do better with variety, and strengthening work. But I don't do it. To me this shows a lack of character. So yes, I am out there doing stuff, but I want to have more personal discipline. I want to feel proud of my effort, not my result.
As Teddy Roosevelt said: "It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
"Citizenship in a Republic,"
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910
I learned so far that I started my training schedule too early, and burned too hot to sustain, and een got injured. So that's valuable. My friend Suzie just told me of a coach who divided his team evenly down the middle. Had half of the kids swim a normal training regeme for a season, and the other half focused on drills and swam less distance over all. The kids who focused on drills had more improvment throug out the season and performed better over all at the final meet. Many people have told me that there is sucha thing as garbage training. And my personality is to do way more than I need to do because I feel better if I over achieve. I want to be able to say that I did an eight hour swim for a six hour eent just to be cool, or to be over the top. But it would be smarter to do a six hour swim, and not hurt my shoulder any more than necessary. So I am learning as I go along. I am also learning that even though I work out six days a week, I am intrinsically lazy. I want to do core exercises, need to do shoulder exersises, might have even skipped all of this pain if I had, and yet what do I do? I swim. I swim six days a week for too long. I would do better with variety, and strengthening work. But I don't do it. To me this shows a lack of character. So yes, I am out there doing stuff, but I want to have more personal discipline. I want to feel proud of my effort, not my result.
As Teddy Roosevelt said: "It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."
"Citizenship in a Republic,"
Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910
Monday, May 17, 2010
WEEK 8 Oh My God where has the time gone?
I had a GREAT weekend. It is so nice not to be whining. I am still sick, and I have pain in my shoulder, but I had so much fun in the water and out of it that I am happy and recharged. It is clear to me that I set my Gibraltar training too long. This marathon training is 90% mental, and I fell down in the gutter for a bit there, but I am back and excited and a little freaked out that in a few short weeks I will be on my way. I find myself looking at "YouTube" videos of people that have swum Gibraltar and I am excited! I believe in my heart that I can "do the distance" now I just have to stay healthy and injury free until the time comes.
To that end, I went to the chiropractor on Friday. He made some progress on my shoulder. I was swimming with a "straight arm recovery" on the right, not good, and not rotating or swimming from my hips enough. both of these issues are being improved with lots of drills. But I think I need to go to the physical therapist and work on strengthening those little muscles that hold the shoulder together. I am asking a lot of my shoulders, and I don't want this to be my last big swim. In fact I am feeling like Gibraltar may be a stepping stone to the English Channel, but I hesitate to put my bid in because these big events are both financially expensive, and they take a toll on one's family life. But it is fun to have a goal and a focus. It does mean that I don't do the laundry enough, or any gardening, and I resent having to shop for and cook dinner every night, but my family expects those things and has had them handled by me for their whole life, so my absents is felt and resented. We'll probably live.
So, back to my great weekend; my club had planned a "Long Swim". These are the highlights of our club and the best reason to be a member. Kirby Cove was scheduled, one of the most beautiful swims that we do. But the tide set the swim to be at 11:00 am on a Saturday and this just became untenable. What with it being Salmon Fishing season, there being two sailboat regattas scheduled and the beautiful weather that brings out the pleasure boaters...it was just asking for someone to get run over. So the swim commissioner rightly changed the swim to one from the opposite direction, AT&T Park and that meant the starting time was some six hours earlier. So I slept through. A 5:00 am call time is do able, and even easy for an exciting swim, but the Swim from At&T Park back to the club, while long, is not especially pretty. I like any swim that starts inside the bay and goes out under the Golden Gate Bridge, or any swim that starts outside the gate and comes in, but the swims that start south of the club and stay in the bay are my least favorite. So I arrived at the club as the swimmers were getting in from the early swim feeling a bit guilty for having slept in and as luck would have it, I got invited to do a private Alcatraz crossing. Just six of us and a boat. We went out in celebration of Kristine Buckley's 501 Alcatraz swim and her 50ieth birthday and swam back in only 28 minutes (a record for me by far). That was a blast, but the icing on the cake was that we returned to the Hyde Street Pier and there were DOLPHINS there in pens being trained by the Navy for Homeland Security. There were six of the biggest most beautiful bottle-nosed dolphins I had ever seen along with eight of the most beautiful people the Navy Seals have ever produced. I swear it was out of a movie. There were these happy athletic dolphin trainers and the dolphins were like their pets. There were friendly and talkative about what a great job they have with the Navy. My friends and I were thinking the same thing and wondering where to sign up. It was magical. The girls I swam with on Saturday were set to swim a one mile open water race on Sunday so I joined them. We swam the ParkSide Mile race with the San Mateo Marlins Masters Team. The water was warm (about 64-65) and there were only about 145 people so it was a friendly event. The South End was well represented with more that six swimmers. All in all, it was a good swim. I didn't break 30 minutes (my goal since I began open water swimming over 22 years ago) but I was close, 31:48 and I was third in my age group (don't ask, but yes there were only three women in my age group :-).
I had a wonderful weekend. I didn't swim for six hours, alone, training and fretting about my training. I had some swim adventures with some friends. This is what I need to remind myself to do.
The people on the Channel chat line recommend a long swim every other weekend or back to back longs swims eery other weekend. I have been doing long swims and long back to back long swims every weekend until I get sick and or tired.
And fun with friends is often a better use of my time that a long slog. I can do the distance. I know I can. I do need to practice the feeding and the type of fuel, but I need to be happy and enjoy swimming too or what's the point?
I plan to do a lot of drills this week, work on my stroke technique, and give my shoulder a rest along with PT. This weekend I am piloting so that others can do some long swims and earn myself some karma. then next weekend I will do a six plus hour swim either in the bay with Kristine piloting me or in and around the cove if I can't get a pilot. Once I put my six hour "qualifying Swim" to rest, I will be on easy street all the way to Spain.
Life is good and I am enjoying it immensely!
To that end, I went to the chiropractor on Friday. He made some progress on my shoulder. I was swimming with a "straight arm recovery" on the right, not good, and not rotating or swimming from my hips enough. both of these issues are being improved with lots of drills. But I think I need to go to the physical therapist and work on strengthening those little muscles that hold the shoulder together. I am asking a lot of my shoulders, and I don't want this to be my last big swim. In fact I am feeling like Gibraltar may be a stepping stone to the English Channel, but I hesitate to put my bid in because these big events are both financially expensive, and they take a toll on one's family life. But it is fun to have a goal and a focus. It does mean that I don't do the laundry enough, or any gardening, and I resent having to shop for and cook dinner every night, but my family expects those things and has had them handled by me for their whole life, so my absents is felt and resented. We'll probably live.
So, back to my great weekend; my club had planned a "Long Swim". These are the highlights of our club and the best reason to be a member. Kirby Cove was scheduled, one of the most beautiful swims that we do. But the tide set the swim to be at 11:00 am on a Saturday and this just became untenable. What with it being Salmon Fishing season, there being two sailboat regattas scheduled and the beautiful weather that brings out the pleasure boaters...it was just asking for someone to get run over. So the swim commissioner rightly changed the swim to one from the opposite direction, AT&T Park and that meant the starting time was some six hours earlier. So I slept through. A 5:00 am call time is do able, and even easy for an exciting swim, but the Swim from At&T Park back to the club, while long, is not especially pretty. I like any swim that starts inside the bay and goes out under the Golden Gate Bridge, or any swim that starts outside the gate and comes in, but the swims that start south of the club and stay in the bay are my least favorite. So I arrived at the club as the swimmers were getting in from the early swim feeling a bit guilty for having slept in and as luck would have it, I got invited to do a private Alcatraz crossing. Just six of us and a boat. We went out in celebration of Kristine Buckley's 501 Alcatraz swim and her 50ieth birthday and swam back in only 28 minutes (a record for me by far). That was a blast, but the icing on the cake was that we returned to the Hyde Street Pier and there were DOLPHINS there in pens being trained by the Navy for Homeland Security. There were six of the biggest most beautiful bottle-nosed dolphins I had ever seen along with eight of the most beautiful people the Navy Seals have ever produced. I swear it was out of a movie. There were these happy athletic dolphin trainers and the dolphins were like their pets. There were friendly and talkative about what a great job they have with the Navy. My friends and I were thinking the same thing and wondering where to sign up. It was magical. The girls I swam with on Saturday were set to swim a one mile open water race on Sunday so I joined them. We swam the ParkSide Mile race with the San Mateo Marlins Masters Team. The water was warm (about 64-65) and there were only about 145 people so it was a friendly event. The South End was well represented with more that six swimmers. All in all, it was a good swim. I didn't break 30 minutes (my goal since I began open water swimming over 22 years ago) but I was close, 31:48 and I was third in my age group (don't ask, but yes there were only three women in my age group :-).
I had a wonderful weekend. I didn't swim for six hours, alone, training and fretting about my training. I had some swim adventures with some friends. This is what I need to remind myself to do.
The people on the Channel chat line recommend a long swim every other weekend or back to back longs swims eery other weekend. I have been doing long swims and long back to back long swims every weekend until I get sick and or tired.
And fun with friends is often a better use of my time that a long slog. I can do the distance. I know I can. I do need to practice the feeding and the type of fuel, but I need to be happy and enjoy swimming too or what's the point?
I plan to do a lot of drills this week, work on my stroke technique, and give my shoulder a rest along with PT. This weekend I am piloting so that others can do some long swims and earn myself some karma. then next weekend I will do a six plus hour swim either in the bay with Kristine piloting me or in and around the cove if I can't get a pilot. Once I put my six hour "qualifying Swim" to rest, I will be on easy street all the way to Spain.
Life is good and I am enjoying it immensely!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Pitiable WEEK 9
I am SICK, AGAIN. And feeling sorry for myself...and wondering what the hell I am doing wrong! My right shoulder is bothering me...and I am coughing up my lungs all night long.
I am just glad that I still have a few weeks left to get my stamina back and my cold acclimatization. I hope it will be enough. Gone are my delusions of doing a two way crossing and I am just hoping that I will make Gibraltar. I don't know if I have trained stupidly, or just over did it, but I have reason to worry.
I still need to put away a 6 hour swim before the end of this month. And I don't have the energy. I am taking my cold seriously, and not rushing back to the water. I am waiting until I am DYING to get back in, not forcing myself to train. I hope that gives my shoulder and my lungs the time they need to get better.
My life is so hectic at the end of the school year, it is hard to focus on swimming. I am banking on the thought that the minute school is through, I will be able to redouble my efforts and get the job done. I hope it works. I would hate to have my dream unravel just through attrition. It makes me pause to think of an English Channel bid. I am learning what everyone who has done this already knows, the feat is 90% mental and the other half is physical. My mental training is taking a beating and my physical fitness is falling apart. Bummer. More sleep, better nutrition, and renewed effort. Next week, I will be back!
I am just glad that I still have a few weeks left to get my stamina back and my cold acclimatization. I hope it will be enough. Gone are my delusions of doing a two way crossing and I am just hoping that I will make Gibraltar. I don't know if I have trained stupidly, or just over did it, but I have reason to worry.
I still need to put away a 6 hour swim before the end of this month. And I don't have the energy. I am taking my cold seriously, and not rushing back to the water. I am waiting until I am DYING to get back in, not forcing myself to train. I hope that gives my shoulder and my lungs the time they need to get better.
My life is so hectic at the end of the school year, it is hard to focus on swimming. I am banking on the thought that the minute school is through, I will be able to redouble my efforts and get the job done. I hope it works. I would hate to have my dream unravel just through attrition. It makes me pause to think of an English Channel bid. I am learning what everyone who has done this already knows, the feat is 90% mental and the other half is physical. My mental training is taking a beating and my physical fitness is falling apart. Bummer. More sleep, better nutrition, and renewed effort. Next week, I will be back!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
WEEK 10 Life is complicated...
Week 10 is off to a rocky start. My car is in the shop, so I can't go swimming at the pool before work, and I am riding my bike home, which is some exercise. It's probably a good thing. After my big swim I kept to my schedule and I think I over did it. Because when my friend Suzie suggested a six hour swim last Saturday, my mind said , "Sure, great idea", but my body said, "Whoa, slow down there girl." My right shoulder burned and I was cold! I never get cold...unless I am sick...and lo and behold, today I am sick! Shit! I am so mad. Tomorrow is The Five Coves of Death and I had planned to swim five coves at 5:00 am and then five again at 5:00 pm for fun and as part of my training. I am supposed to be swimming more longer swims back-to-back to build my endurance...and I am off track. I wish someone would tell me what to do. I know that I still have ten weeks to train, and that I could probably swim Gibraltar today successfully, but the swim isn't today. And I need to keep my fitness, and my cold acclimation, and not get injured in the next ten weeks. I have deviated from my plan a lot since I was told to swim "Gibraltar" every week (or at least the equivalent distance). That's not as much swimming as I was planning on doing. I think I am supposed to swim the equivalent of Gibraltar (about 12 miles) every week and include a long swim every weekend. My long weekend swims are supposed to increase by an hour each month, so I should be up to five hours this weekend. But the Five Coves of Death times two would be five hours or more of swimming on a Wednesday. So what should I swim on Saturday and Sunday? See how confusing it can be? And of course it doesn't really matter as long as I swim a lot every week and for a long time one or both days of the weekend. But this is when I run into trouble, because life gets in the way and I don't swim enough, or life works out conveniently and I swim too much...I have a plan, but I don't stick to it. I don't stick to it because I get worried that I am not swimming enough. Like Suzie inviting me to swim for six hours? I'm not up to six hours, why did I sign on? I set myself up to fail and get sick...then I get worried that I'm not training hard enough. I need t take my head out of the equation and just follow the plan. I will get back on track after Wednesday and the Five (hopefully ten) Coves of Death. I will ask my Channel chums which is more productive, to swim 4/3 hours back to back or push for a six hour swim on one day of the weekend. And if I am still sick, I won't do either. But I will worry until I get a six or seven hours swim under my belt.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
The Gibraltar Straits
